Edible Pantasy...

When I was in high school we used to always joke about edible panties. The whole thing boiled down to an edible panties eating contest at a party one night. I ate 3 pairs out of a bowl of milk and washed them down with half a bottle of Sambuca.

They were nowhere near as good as I thought they would be, they are basically like old fruit roll ups.

It has also always been a pipe dream of mine to sell grocery bags full of panties outside of Rolling Stones concerts for women to throw... I think I would make millions!!!

That is NOT a Bagel!!!

"Joe!!!  What's wrong?!?!? Why are you throwing things?!?!? Why did you break that baseball bat over your knee a la Bo Jackson circa 1991?!?!" My wife screamed, "Are you drunk?!?!"

"NO!!! I mean YES!!!" I replied, "But that's not why."

What's the reason you ask?

I had just watched a commercial for a new product from Kraft called 'Bagel-fuls'.

Now you're sitting there saying, "Hey man, calm down." Or, "Joe, maybe you should put on some pants." Or, "Take it easy dude, it's just a bagel with cream cheese inside."

Yeah, well it's not a bagel with cream cheese inside.  You see, the definition of a bagel from the American Heritage Dictionary is as follows:

ba·gel

n.   A glazed, ring-shaped roll with a tough, chewy texture, made from plain yeast dough that is dropped briefly into nearly boiling water and then baked. 

You see? It's not:

ba·gel

n.   A shitty 'Twinkie'-like log that can be filled with random garbage and frozen for the mass consumption of morons.

Now you're sitting there saying, "Oh Yeah Joe?  What about 'The McRib'?"

Over the years I have sat back and munched on some pretty shitty products I will admit.  On several occasions The McRib debate has come up.  For those of you who don't know, the McRib is a sandwich that McDonalds puts out every time the price of industrial pork drops below 26¢ a pound.

The argument:

"The McRib is nothing but ground pork reconstituted into the shape of  ribs on a bone.  It is not right to call the sandwich the McRib because it is not actually the meat from the ribs of the pig."

OK, I agree with the first part, the McRib is just ground pork.  As far as the naming of the sandwich goes I put it too you like this: What would you name it? The McPork?  The McOink? The McSow? 

The word 'McRib' itself means absolutely nothing, it does not derive from an ancient greek word, it comes from a marketing team.  Whereas the word 'bagel' does have roots elsewhere according to the Etymology Dictionary:

bagel 

From Yiddish beygl, from M.H.G. boug- "ring, bracelet," from O.H.G. boug, related to biogan "to bend" and O.E. beag"ring" (in poetry, an Anglo-Saxon lord was beaggifa "ring-giver"). 

At least the McRib is recognizable as a pork sandwich.  Bagel-fuls have nothing to do with bagels other than the fact that you put cream cheese on a bagel.  I would have no problem eating them if they were called, 'Kraft Cream Cheese Logs' or 'Kraft Breakfast Twinkies' other than that you are bastardizing the word.

Now I'm hungry.  I hope I still some 'Mini Pizza Bagels' in the freezer.

Adam Proteau is a Smug Bitch

Here is an excerpt from his latest blog at TheHockeyNews.com

"Only this season – when they’re already dead last in the Southeast division, one point out of last overall and coming off a six-game losing skid – it seems worse than ever. Their 30th-ranked power play, humming along at a blistering 11.1 percent efficiency rate, is pitiful in a way that would put the post-Jerry Maguire career of Cuba Gooding Jr. to shame."

What is this guys problem?

This is the strangest and most confusing reference I've ever read.

Why not use something like, '...the post-Night Court career of Harry Anderson to shame.' Or, '... the post-21 Jumpstreet career of Dustin Nguyen to shame.'

Oh, and by the way, writing an article about how the Panthers suck is like beating a blind kid with a dead cat, it's very easy to do and nobody wants to see it.
------------------
While I'm on the subject of blogs at The Hockey News, Dan Akeson the twerp who follows the Rangers had this to say about New York center, Brandon Dubinsky:

"Would GM Glen Sather trade a potential Hall of Fame center, one of the most promising young guns in the game, in the dawn of his career? Let's be honest and realistic...Dubinsky is the future and is being bred into a Messier-esque persona worthy of one day taking the reigns from Drury."

Dubinsky is a future hall of famer? What HOF is this idiot talking about? Did they open a Hall of Fame for over-rated players who average half a point a game in Crotch Lake Ontario that I didn't hear about?

Also, Messier's aren't bred, they are cyborgs built by Cyberdyne Systems for the sole purpose of winning championships and hurting Europeans.

Captain Charest Calls Opportunistic Election

Jean Charest, leader of the Liberal Party of Quebec, announced just 19 months into his government's mandate that Quebec is indeed heading for a December --- pardonnez moi --- 'Decembre' election.  This announcement just weeks after a poll suggested that the Liberals had 42% support in the province, putting them above the PQ and the ADQ, who are sitting at 34% and 14% respectively.(Leger Marketing)

Charest made the announcement to media during a press conference he called over-looking the St. Lawrence River.  He referred to Quebec's current minority government as "unsteady" with, "an economic storm on the horizon" and that the Liberal Party were the best crew to put, "at the helm".  After being drown out by the horn of a passing cargo ship, the leader went on to state that, "during a storm, you can't have three pairs of hands on the tiller."

Toot toot!!! All aboard that's coming aboard!!!

Now, I've never liked Jean Charest (I've never trusted a Conservative in Liberal clothing)  but this election call is, in my opinion, one of the most disgusting displays of opportunistic and selfish politics I've ever seen (and this is coming out of Quebec where the bar has been set high!).

In fact I am so disgusted that I actually find myself in total agreement with ADQ leader, Mario Dumont, a man who normally brings my piss to a boil.  

"The pretext is false, because it isn't about the economy, because no one will be taking care of it for the next several weeks." Dumont accused, "He has closed up shop.  He's putting the National Assembly up on blocks."

AMEN!  I hope that the people of Quebec see this election for what it is, and teach the Liberals a lesson. 

Don't get me wrong, I dislike the Parti Quebecois as much as I detest the ADQ, both being parties with serious undertones of racial bigotry that have cast a shadow over rural Quebec for many years, but as everyday citizens stand on the brink of losing everything they have, I believe that Mr. Charest should lose his post and be thrown into the Canadian political trash heap (say hi to Joe Clark for me).

The whole story stirs my shit further as Charest also showed of his campaign bus emblazoned with his 'new' slogan... "OUI".

The 'Yes' slogan was, and to a large degree, still is a phrase associated with the separatist movement in Quebec.  Now, why Charest and his Liberal strategy team have decided to open old cuts, and stir up memories of ugly time in this country's history is beyond me.  This comes about a year after PQ leader Pauline Marois publicly stated that the party would not pursue another referendum on sovereignty, instead choosing to focus on language laws.

Thus far Charest, in my eyes, has made all the wrong moves in Quebec and the fact that he failed to get a majority government last time out proves that the Liberals are on a sinking ship.I just wish that Charest would stop drilling holes in the deck.  

Boudreau To Stars: "Cut It Out"

This past Saturday, the Washington Capitals looked like a team of zombies as they wandered aimlessly around the HSBC Arena during a 5-0 loss to the Buffalo Sabres.

The next morning Capitals coach, Bruce Boudreau was less than pleased as he called a team practice on what was previously supposed to be an off day. When approached by the media, the coach chose not to bite his tongue as he called out his star players.

"If they're not going to work to our standards during the game, then they're going to work that hard during practice," Boudreau said. "Everyone would have loved to have had Sunday off and relax and enjoy themselves. But this isn't a country club."

When I saw Bruce singling out players like Mike Green and Alexander Semin, I just had a flash back to an episode of 'Full House' when fun Uncle Joey had to discipline D.J. for not calling home when she was late after school. Joey told her that she wasn't allowed to go to her Karate tournament the following weekend, and needless to say, D.J. was U-P-S-E-T!

It looks like the fun is over... Uncle Boudreau is cracking down on the Tanner's.

Capitals vs. Penguins... Blackout

Washington takes on Pittsburgh in 4 regular season contests this year. I remember the lead up to their Oct. 16th tilt, I was shit hot excited... "Ovie vs. Sid! This is gonna be huge!" The game was a beauty... or so I heard.

I had to listen to the game using NHL radio from NHL.com and I was ready to puke. Don't get me wrong, I enjoy listening to the games, and I feel that the NHL has done an excellent job of streaming the radio feeds from each game... and for free at that, but I think it is pretty lame that this game wasn't picked up by a national network. We are talking about Mega-stars here.

Now about 3 weeks later, we got Caps star (and the leagues leading scorer) Alexander Semin chirping Crosby in the media, "What’s so special about [Crosby]? I don’t see anything special there. Yes, he does skate well, has a good head, good pass. But there’s nothing else." Semin goes on to say that sophomore Blackhawk Patrick Kane is a more interesting player to watch (maybe he's right) and that you can make any player a 'star' as long as you give him as much promotion as Crosby has received (maybe he's right)...

Those are some pretty big words Mr. Semin. I just hope that you aren't embarrassed by Sid the Kid on national television when you roll into Pennsylvania on the 14th of January... Oh... Wait... You won't...

Apparently this game won't receive a national feed either.

Now I'm no marketing wizard, but when you have been trying for the better part of 2 decades to put your sport on the map in the U.S. shouldn't Gary Bettman be sucking the cocks of every T.V. executive in the states to get this game on the tube? Offer it up for free... Shit, it isn't even on Versus for the love of fuck. What's on Versus that night? Bull riding, or some show where hunters teach their kids how to shoot animals in the neck?

So, we have to wait until February and March so we can watch these 2 teams on NBC for their 3:00 pm afternoon games, where they will do battle with the Arena Football League (and probably lose in the ever so precious southern markets). Oh, and also make sure you are home on April 5th when NBC rounds out their regular season schedule with a thriller! Pittsburgh vs... Florida? There are sure to be some playoff implications there...

It has come to the point where it is hard to be a fan of the sport, because you can't watch the games. If Sidney Crosby is the face of the league why can American fans only see him 11 times on free television?

The Office: Free Episodes

I am a huge fan of the show The Office, both the U.S. and the U.K. version.  I went out and bought seasons 1, 2, and 3 of the American version as well as both series from Britain.

While waiting for season 4 to be released, I stumbled upon this site that has links to every episode, and more than 95% of them work.

Check Them Out!!!